Disney Hires Kaepernick to Create New Ride Sitting on Bench for 60 Minutes

Disney announced a wide-ranging deal with social justice advocate, Colin Kaepernick, that includes plans to create a new ride in which patrons will sit on a bench for 60 minutes while watching a life-like animatronic Blaine Gabbert play quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers. Guests will be required to kneel while waiting in line and will not be allowed to stand. The path to the start of the ride will be lined with paintings of the American flag so that riders can strike the proper mood trampling over Old Glory on their way to the bench. At the conclusion of the ride, guests will be able to browse a gift shop where they can watch young Chinese and Vietnamese children create custom-made Nike shoes for purchase.