Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has expressed deep concern over the ongoing longshoreman strike, not because of the potential economic impact or supply chain disruptions, but due to the pressing issue of tampon delivery to boys’ bathrooms in Minnesota’s public schools.

During a press conference, the Governor explained his apprehensions. “This strike could severely impact the supply of gender-inclusive products in our schools. Tampons are a critical resource for all students, and we cannot afford to have our boys’ bathrooms left high and dry,” Walz stated solemnly, as reporters struggled to stifle their surprise.

Sources close to the Governor’s office indicate that Walz is drafting emergency legislation to ensure that no boys’ restroom is left without an ample supply of tampons and other menstrual products. “We must address this crisis before it spirals out of control,” a state official declared. “We don’t want a repeat of last year’s incident when a miscommunication led to an unfortunate surplus of beard combs and aftershave in the girls’ locker rooms.”

In response to this critical issue, Walz has reached out to President Biden, urging him to declare tampons “essential goods” and give them priority over other cargo, such as medical supplies, electronics, and food. The Governor even suggested deploying the National Guard to transport these much-needed products by helicopter if necessary. “Our boys have been very brave through all this, and we owe them access to the menstrual products they might one day possibly need,” Walz added.

While some critics have questioned the necessity of tampons in boys’ bathrooms, Governor Walz remains steadfast. “It’s about equity, inclusivity, and being prepared for all possibilities,” he said, as local students reportedly asked if they could trade tampons for textbooks, better Wi-Fi, or even just some new dodgeballs.