Outer Space — In a bizarre turn of events, two NASA astronauts stranded on a remote section of the International Space Station (ISS) have reportedly expressed a mixture of surprise, nervousness, and outright fear when actress Sigourney Weaver showed up for their rescue.

Commander Jack Reynolds and Flight Engineer Karen Lee had been performing routine maintenance on a solar array when an unexpected equipment malfunction left them adrift in space, with limited oxygen and dwindling hope. As NASA scrambled to organize a rescue mission, an unfamiliar spacecraft, the “Nostromo 2,” appeared on their radar, much to the astronauts’ initial relief.

However, relief quickly turned to apprehension when the hatch of the spacecraft opened to reveal none other than Sigourney Weaver, dressed in her iconic Ripley attire from the 1979 film Alien.

“I’ve seen that movie. I’m not going anywhere with her,” Commander Reynolds was overheard saying in a transmission back to Houston. “I mean, I love Alien as much as the next person, but this is real life! We can’t just go jumping into ships with Ripley. I’ve seen how that ends!”

Flight Engineer Lee, equally perplexed, added, “Houston, are we sure this is the rescue mission? I was kind of hoping for, you know, another astronaut or maybe even just an automated drone. But Sigourney Weaver? Really?”

NASA officials were quick to clarify that Sigourney Weaver was not actually there to rescue the astronauts, nor was she piloting the ship. In fact, the entire situation appears to have been an elaborate marketing stunt for a new VR experience called Ripley’s Space Rescue Adventure, set to launch next month.

“We didn’t authorize this,” stated a NASA spokesperson. “We were just as surprised as the astronauts when we saw Ripley — I mean, Ms. Weaver — appear. However, we would like to reassure everyone that no xenomorphs were involved in the incident. The marketing team responsible for this is currently being questioned.”

As the bewildered astronauts tried to make sense of their situation, Sigourney Weaver, staying perfectly in character, urged them to board the Nostromo 2. “Come with me if you want to live,” she said in a voice that eerily blended Ripley’s tough exterior with a hint of Ellen Ripley’s resigned fatalism.

“I think that’s a different movie,” Flight Engineer Lee whispered to Reynolds, who nodded emphatically.

The astronauts’ fears were somewhat alleviated when they realized the Nostromo 2 was equipped with a luxury interior, complete with a mini-bar, Wi-Fi, and even a selection of Weaver’s filmography available on demand. Yet, they still hesitated to board.

Ultimately, after much debate and the arrival of an actual NASA rescue pod, Reynolds and Lee opted for the more conventional route back to safety. Sigourney Weaver, undeterred, left the astronauts with a souvenir — a signed Alien poster — before piloting the Nostromo 2 back to Earth.

As the astronauts were brought back to the ISS, a final transmission from Commander Reynolds to Houston captured the sentiment of the day: “Houston, we really need to talk about vetting our rescue teams a little better next time. And maybe lay off the movie nights. I’m still seeing chestbursters in my sleep.”

Sigourney Weaver, however, seemed to enjoy her brief stint in space. As she re-entered Earth’s atmosphere, she could be heard saying over the comms, “In space, no one can hear you scream — unless you’re a couple of nervous astronauts.”

NASA declined to comment further on the incident, though sources close to the organization say a new policy is being drafted: “No Unauthorized Celebrity Rescues.”