In a bold and unconventional proposal, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has suggested that instead of spending billions of dollars on drugs like Ozempic, the government should provide three healthy, organic meals a day for every American. But in true RFK Jr. fashion, he also offered a backup plan in case food shortages arise or the government’s budget gets stretched too thin: just look to your local roadkill.

“Why waste money on expensive medications when we can just nourish ourselves the natural way?” Kennedy announced during a recent rally. “We’re talking about pure, unadulterated organic meals. But if the government can’t foot the bill, don’t worry! There’s an organic meal waiting for you just around the corner—you just have to be creative. Deer, squirrels, pheasants, even bears… it’s all free-range and grass-fed, folks.”

Kennedy’s suggestion comes with a healthy dose of precedent. It’s been well-documented that the environmental advocate has a bit of a taste for the wild side. In one story that’s recently resurfaced, RFK Jr. reportedly found a bear on the side of the road over a decade ago and, instead of calling animal control, decided to prank a friend by dragging the carcass into Central Park. “Bears are packed with protein and omega-3s,” Kennedy joked. “Why let it go to waste?”

And then there’s the time when his daughter, Kyra, recalled a family outing to the beach that ended with them sawing the head off a beached whale to take home as a souvenir. “Nothing says organic like a giant chunk of whale,” Kennedy quipped. “Sure, it’s a bit unconventional, but you can’t get more natural than that.”

Critics were quick to pounce on Kennedy’s proposal, with some questioning the practicality of turning roadkill into a national food source. “So, are we supposed to just carry a fork and knife with us wherever we go?” one detractor asked on social media. Another sarcastically tweeted, “Great, now we need a hunting license just to drive to work.”

Yet, Kennedy remains undeterred. “Look, it’s about reconnecting with nature,” he said in a follow-up interview. “Our ancestors didn’t have supermarkets; they had instincts and a good set of tools. We’re just taking things back to basics. Plus, it’s all organic! No GMOs, no preservatives—just pure, wild, and free.”

When pressed on how the average American might realistically turn a roadside bear into a wholesome, organic meal, RFK Jr. didn’t just provide an answer—he delivered a masterclass in the art of field dressing and butchering that left the reporter’s jaw practically unhinged in disbelief.

We give you the entire diatribe below!

“Well, first off, you need the right gear,” Kennedy began, his eyes glinting with the enthusiasm of a man deeply versed in the craft. “Start with a Havalon Piranta Edge. It’s a replaceable-blade knife, so you can keep a razor-sharp edge throughout the process. It’s indispensable when you’re making those initial cuts along the hide. For the heavier work, you’ll need something like the Outdoor Edge SwingBlade—this tool has both a skinning blade and a gutting blade that rotates out with the push of a button. Precision is key here; you don’t want to accidentally puncture the gut sack. Trust me, that’s a mistake you’ll only make once.”

Kennedy paused only long enough to let the gravity of that last point sink in before launching into the next phase. “Once you’ve made the initial cut from the sternum down to the pelvis, you’ll want to use a Kershaw Taskmaster Saw to carefully cut through the sternum and open the chest cavity. This allows you to reach in and detach the windpipe and esophagus, which you’ll pull out along with the rest of the viscera. Remember to wear elbow-length field dressing gloves—something like the ones from Allen Company—to keep things clean and hygienic.”

And then there was the matter of skinning the bear, which Kennedy approached with surgical precision. “You’re going to need a high-quality fleshing knife, like the Necker 600. It’s got a double-edged blade with one side sharp for cutting through the tougher parts of the hide and the other dull for fleshing. Hang the bear up using a Cabela’s Heavy-Duty Game Gambrel with a locking pulley system. This keeps the carcass stable and at a comfortable height while you work. Start at the paws and work your way down, being careful to separate the hide cleanly from the muscle tissue. If you’re looking to preserve the hide for tanning, be sure to use a skinning beam and a hide scraper to remove any remaining fat or tissue.”

As the reporter’s eyes began to glaze over from the torrent of information, Kennedy kept going, undeterred. “After the bear is skinned, quartering is next. You’ll need a Gerber Vital Pack Saw for cutting through the pelvic bone and the vertebrae. This saw is specifically designed for handling tough joints without damaging the meat. You’ll also want a meat-cutting table—like the LEM Stainless Steel Processing Table—sturdy and large enough to lay out the quarters for further butchering. Speaking of butchering, use a Victorinox breaking knife for separating the muscles from the bones. The high-carbon stainless steel blade holds an edge remarkably well and allows for precise cuts, which is crucial when you’re processing something as large as a bear.”

And for those interested in going beyond just meat, Kennedy offered an advanced lesson. “The fat is a valuable resource. You’ll want to render it down using a LEM Big Bite Grinder with a grinder plate for coarse grinding. This fat can then be slow-cooked in a Dutch oven to produce lard, which is fantastic for everything from cooking to making soap. As for the hide, if you’re planning on doing your own tanning, a Dakota V fleshing machine will save you a ton of time. This machine’s powerful motor and precise blade make quick work of even the toughest hides, ensuring they’re ready for the tanning solution, which could be something like Lutan F, a tanning agent known for its durability and softness.”

Kennedy’s explanation was as relentless as it was thorough, leaving the reporter in a state of stunned silence. “But… what about, uh, preparing the meat?” the reporter managed to stammer.

Kennedy barely missed a beat. “For cooking, aging the meat is essential—anywhere from 7 to 14 days in a walk-in cooler like the CoolBot Pro-controlled system. This ensures the enzymes break down the muscle tissue, making the meat tender and reducing any gamey flavor. When you’re ready to cook, I’d recommend a Traeger Ironwood 885 smoker. Slow-smoke the bear meat over applewood chips for that perfect blend of sweetness and smokiness. And for storage, a Weston Pro 2300 vacuum sealer is your best bet for keeping that meat fresh long-term.”

The reporter, now completely overwhelmed, could only nod along as Kennedy wrapped up his detailed, borderline encyclopedic explanation. It was clear that to RFK Jr., this wasn’t just about organic meals—it was a way of life, complete with all the tools, techniques, and knowledge that only someone deeply immersed in the world of field dressing and butchering could possess.

Kennedy’s plan, though undoubtedly unorthodox, taps into a growing sentiment among some Americans who are increasingly skeptical of pharmaceutical solutions and yearning for a return to more natural, self-sufficient lifestyles. Whether or not his vision of government-funded organic meals (or scavenging for them) will catch on remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure—RFK Jr. is nothing if not creative.

In the meantime, those living near busy roads or wooded areas might want to keep an eye out for their next meal… or at least a quirky story to share at the dinner table.