August 23, 2024

CHICAGO, IL — In a surprise move that has left both political pundits and pop culture enthusiasts scratching their heads, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) unveiled its newest fundraising initiative: the “Where’s Beyoncé?” coloring book. This unexpected release comes on the heels of what many are calling the most perplexing political bait-and-switch in recent memory.

The buzz began weeks ago when rumors started swirling that music icon Beyoncé would be making a special appearance at the DNC convention. The whispers grew louder, fueled by vague tweets from party insiders and strategically leaked photos of a mysterious silhouette in a sequined jumpsuit. By the time convention week arrived, Beyoncé fever had reached a fever pitch, with delegates, journalists, and supporters eagerly awaiting what was promised to be the performance of a lifetime. The performance never materialized.

“We thought it was a surprise opening act,” one delegate, who requested anonymity out of embarrassment, admitted. “We kept waiting for Beyoncé to pop out and start singing ‘Formation,’ but instead, we got 45 minutes of Kamala’s greatest hits on healthcare. The whole thing was a total letdown.”

Realizing the magnitude of their miscalculation, DNC officials scrambled to salvage the situation. By the next morning, press materials had been hastily prepared, and a limited edition “Where’s Beyoncé?” coloring book was announced. The book features over 100 pages of intricately drawn scenes from the convention, with a cartoon Beyoncé cleverly hidden among a sea of confused delegates, journalists, and, of course, the ever-animated Vice President Harris.

While some convention-goers have embraced the humor of the situation, others remain less amused. “I flew all the way from Oregon for this,” one disgruntled attendee posted on social media. “I spent hours bedazzling my ‘Beyoncé 2024’ shirt. Now all I have is this coloring book and a headache from Kamala’s overly enthusiastic clapping and cackling.”

The DNC’s “Where’s Beyoncé?” coloring book is now available for purchase on their official website, with proceeds allegedly going to future convention entertainment planning and an unnamed emergency backup fund for next time. In a final twist of irony, the book’s cover features a disclaimer in small print: “Beyoncé is not and has never been associated with this event, but Kamala Harris is available for birthdays and bar mitzvahs.”