The Biden Administration is reportedly weighing whether the next billion-dollar aid package should go to the striking Longshoremen Union rather than Ukraine. The dockworkers, currently demanding a 77% pay raise, have been praised by administration officials for their “unparalleled ability” to disrupt the nation’s supply chain, earning them a top spot on the list of potential recipients for the next pallet of cash.

White House spokesperson Jane Palletson defended the move in a press briefing. “Let’s be honest—sending funds to Ukraine was starting to get old. The Longshoremen are proving they can cripple America’s supply chain like no one else. They’ve taken ‘Build Back Better’ to heart by ensuring nothing gets built, shipped, or stocked. It’s a level of efficiency in inefficiency that we just haven’t seen since… well, since we started sending cash to Ukraine. Or Iran for that matter.”

Union representative Docky “The Crane” Malone welcomed the possible influx of federal funds, declaring that the proposed 77% pay hike is “the bare minimum needed” to reward the workforce for its exceptional ability to halt global commerce. “Sure, we’re asking for a lot,” Malone said, leaning against a mountain of untouched shipping containers, “but remember—without us, America wouldn’t know what an empty shelf feels like. We call it job security.”

Reports suggest that the administration sees this strategy as a two-for-one deal: placating the dockworkers while reducing inflation the old-fashioned way—by keeping all goods and products out at sea. “You can’t spend money on what you can’t buy,” Treasury Secretary Janet Tiedown commented, lauding the Longshoremen’s “contribution to economic stability.”

At press time, sources indicate the White House is considering sending any remaining cash pallets to other “highly influential” unions, such as the American Society of Speed Bump Manufacturers and the Bureau of DMV Employees for Extended Wait Times.