When asked what Fox News thought of the just-announced 7-hour climate change debate scheduled on CNN, an executive told us off the record that they plan to air 7 hours of a tortoise chomping on lettuce in the same time slot.
“It’s been kind of a buzz around the office,” said the executive who asked not to be named. “Our on-air talent have been working hard the last several months, and we saw this as a perfect opportunity to give everyone a break without surrendering any ratings in the process. It might appear trite, but the tortoise is really just a metaphor for the (laughter) Sorry, sorry sorry. I can’t say that with a straight face. It’s just some stock footage of a tortoise eating lettuce at a petting zoo or something that we found in the archives. We have an office pool betting on how much our ratings gap will increase that night. Heck, if it works, we might use the footage as a fill-in during vacation breaks in the future.”