President Trump returned home from the G7 to news that he had suggested using nuclear weapons to destroy hurricanes before the hit the US coastline. After Trump flatly denied the claim as “fake news”, CNN is now reporting that Trump suggested to Prime Minister Abe of Japan that he consider invoking the force of Godzilla to fight tsunamis threatening Japan’s coastal cities. According to unnamed sources, President Trump thought of the idea after seeing a lizard scurry through the garden. Trump, again, denied the conversation ever happened.
“Let me guess, Stelter came up with that one, right?” President Trump said to a pool of reporters. “That figures. Only someone who has a quack on his show saying I’m going to kill over 200 million people is dumb enough to come up with that. Everyone knows Godzilla is too busy fighting Mothra to save Japan in time. It’s simple science, Brian. Totally fake news. Totally.”