Nike announced today that they will instruct their overseas child laborers to cease production of new shoes with the infamous “Betsy Ross” flag on the back due to concerns conveyed by Colin Kaepernick. The children will instead make Fidel Castro shoes.
“They needed some wokeness reminder,” said Kaepernick when reached by phone vacationing in Venezuela. “Betsy Ross and that flag represent hate, bigotry, white power, and corporate greed. I told Nike this was a great opportunity to do the right thing and covert those shoes to Fidel Castro kicks. Did Betsy Ross successfully start a revolution? Well, I mean, yeah, I guess she was part of technically a revolution. But Fidel was willing do what it takes to conquer for the people. Murder. Mass incarceration. Terror. All to create a worker paradise. That kind of commitment deserves a shoe deal. Not some racist